My Month As A Musician, March 2009 Edition

Well, we decided to add another full time vocalist to the None The Wiser fold. After three years of gigging through the harshness of Winter while simultaneously performing my assigned duties as the esteemed director of a high school instrumental music program, it occurred to me that no, I am never going to get through January, February, and March (known collectively in my phrasebook as “the bastard months”) without coming into direct contact with every form of upper respiratory infection known to medicine. The joy of attempting to sing Toto and Queen while under the influence of a cocktail of prescription antibiotics and over-the-counter medicines is one that I can only liken to walking off the end of a diving board while blindfolded, not knowing how high up the board was to begin with, nor knowing how far down or how deep the water will be when you finally hit it. So the solution finally hit me: GET SOMEONE ELSE TO DO IT FOR YOU. As the Germans say….”Ve grow too soon olt und too late schmart”.

The new guy is doing great. He’s not a teacher, so he should be able to stay healthy through the bastard months. Plus, with me harmonizing with he and Trish, it really fattens up the sound. Plus, I don’t have to learn all the lyrics anymore. Plus, I still sing a few leads. Plus, I don’t have to learn all the lyrics anymore. Plus I get to hang out away from “front and center” stage and just mess with my keyboards and guitar. Plus I will now get to add some sax and trumpet to the band. Plus, I don’t have to learn all the lyrics anymore. There are so many upsides to having someone take over the lead singer duties. Oh, and also, I won’t have to learn all the lyrics anymore.

I drive half an hour to school every day, and for the sake of those of you whose abilities to make rational deductions runs a distant second to your excellent taste in selecting which blogs you should read, that means I drive a half an hour home FROM school every day as well. When I have to learn lyrics, that means listening to the song whose lyrics I have to learn over and over. And over. And over. Ad nauseum. Half an hour up to school…..half an hour home from school. Next day. Half and hour up to school….half and hour home from school. Lather. Rinse. Repeat. Half an hour up…..well you get the idea. The same song. Until I can sing the whole thing, start to finish, without tripping on a lyric, without hesitating. Over. And. Over. Again.
Aside of not having to learn the lyrics, hiring a new lead singer also means that I won’t have to do this routine any longer. I can actually listen to music that I enjoy for a change, instead of listening to only what I have to learn for the band. I don’t actually remember what music that is, but I’m hoping that after a few months of decompressing from my previous routine, finding music that I like will start to become a natural part of my life again.

None the Wiser only had one gig this month. It was a bull roast to benefit a local rec baseball team. Lots of fun. The hotel we played at had this manager who told us that there wasn’t enough outlets available to plug in our stage lighting. So we were up on stage getting ready to play and we thought, “well, this isn’t too bad”. Then they shut the lights off in the ball room. Then we were in the dark, except for what minimal lighting was left because of table candles and wall sconces. No one in the audience could really see us.

I didn’t mind because the stage had a back wall that had all these mirrors on them. I could turn around and look at them and see myself playing, and it was really cool. It reminded me of when I was a kid and used to pose with my guitar in my parents mirror and pretend I was really something special! Only in this case, it was REAL! I was on stage with a real live band, in front of a real live audience, posing with my guitar in the mirror and pretending I was something really special. And because it was dark, I could do this without anyone noticing how narcissistic I am!
I should add that I use the term “live audience” quite loosely, because the only way we actually knew they were alive is because we could see the plates of food and glasses of booze on their tables when we took a break. When we were on stage however, we couldn’t tell because they never clapped. Never. Not once. Not once in the whole night. We’d get to the end of the song…

”brrrddddddddddddddddd-d-d-d-d-d-d----d-----d------baddaddaDUM!!!!”

…and all you would hear was crickets. No clapping. Not a sound. If it weren’t for being able to watch myself in the mirror pretending to be something special, it would have made for a long, miserable evening.

At school we had the Harford County Band Festival. The kids played great. They looked great, they played great, they had a great time eating lunch at Burger King after the gig. My tuba player forgot his black socks and when he sat up holding his tuba, you could see his legs between his black shoes and his black pants. He had to barter with another band member whose bare legs wouldn’t look so obvious on stage to let him use their socks. Two kids forgot their tuxedo shirts and had to call their parents. One kid forgot her bowtie and cumberbund. We got to eat lunch at Burger King.

Then we had a jazz coffeehouse on the 27th. Played to a full house. My 1st trombone player told me less than 48 hours before the gig that he couldn’t make it because he was going to a wedding. I always appreciate an advanced notice. I got to sight read the 1st trombone book at the gig. I didn’t do too bad, and the band got a nice standing ovation. Really great gig. I always appreciate an advanced notice. The band boosters put on a nice spread of desserts and drinks. Nice community and family event. We’re going to do another one in May. I always appreciate an advanced notice.

Well, that about wraps it up. The beat rolls on, and I just keep on trying to stay in step, which is not easy when they keep changing the tempo without telling me. I always appreciate an advanced notice. So, until next month….keep on keepin’ on!